three words: i give head
three words: not that well
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
