Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
