Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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