just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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