And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
