hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
