I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
