i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
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