Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
found the other keg... it's in the tree
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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