Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
