Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
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