Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
