he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
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You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
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I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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