My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
In America we eat man semen.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
