I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
