I don't usually arrange sex via text message
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
