Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll

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  (248): Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll http://tfl.nu/ubae
  Replies (0) Good night (819) Bad night (893)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  I just barfed on his mom.

  (404): View more from Georgia

  You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.

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  (770): I just barfed on his mom. (404): You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault. http://tfl.nu/yh5a
  Replies (8) Good night (880) Bad night (1373)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..

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  (734): you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy.. http://tfl.nu/5gkh
  Replies (49) Good night (761) Bad night (5781)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.

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  (804): he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america. http://tfl.nu/700m
  Replies (16) Good night (3946) Bad night (983)
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  (760): View more from California

  I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog

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  (760): I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog http://tfl.nu/x4z4
  Replies (10) Good night (4186) Bad night (1301)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song

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  (918): 3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song http://tfl.nu/o6l8
  Replies (6) Good night (2631) Bad night (1187)
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  (516): View more from New York

  I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.

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  (516): I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud. http://tfl.nu/o20g
  Replies (7) Good night (2547) Bad night (1184)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...

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  (412): New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move... http://tfl.nu/y03w
  Replies (12) Good night (3400) Bad night (1108)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me

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  (816): Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me http://tfl.nu/eiw2
  Replies (5) Good night (1142) Bad night (556)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.

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  (785): Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas. http://tfl.nu/amy7
  Replies (6) Good night (994) Bad night (329)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face

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  (617): For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face http://tfl.nu/7t4e
  Replies (5) Good night (511) Bad night (900)
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  (646): View more from New York

  Is 1:30 too early for the bar?

  (718): View more from New York

  Do you want my opinion or society's?

  (646): View more from New York

  I want your company

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  (646): Is 1:30 too early for the bar? (718): Do you want my opinion or society's? (646): I want your company http://tfl.nu/br9a
  Replies (4) Good night (1619) Bad night (452)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.

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  (780): The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn. http://tfl.nu/zubn
  Replies (3) Good night (1543) Bad night (424)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?

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  (617): Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points? http://tfl.nu/bp9f
  Replies (5) Good night (373) Bad night (498)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous

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  (416): I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous http://tfl.nu/x68e
  Replies (3) Good night (629) Bad night (268)

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