I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
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His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
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At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.