he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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