First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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