walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
