I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
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If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
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I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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