I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
