I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
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Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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