I think i sorta joined a cult last night
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
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I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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