Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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