He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
