Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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