I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
