Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize