Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
