i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
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well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
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He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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