its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
