that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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