Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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