What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
