Cold hands, warm shart.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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