I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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