Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
