Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
