morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
