I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
