I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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