I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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