were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
