??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
