Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
