Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
