I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I have already put on my inside pants.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
