so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
