seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
