Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
