I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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