Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
