I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
