ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
