i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
