When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
